Flickr photo by Fayez Closed Account

There was a time in my life when I would never be able to write a blog post like this. It’s not that I was in denial about my shyness, I just hated to talk about it. The word “shy” was like a curse word to me. I avoided using it like I would avoid wearing red in a bullpen.

But I was fortunate enough to overcome my shyness with a concerted effort. As soon as I stood up and decided to hold myself accountable for my actions and habits, my life changed forever.

This blog post is not a story about me, though, so I’ll just move on and give you five of my best tips for overcoming shyness.

Overcoming Shyness Tip #1: Focus on Your Strengths

It’s a natural instinct for most of us to focus on our weaknesses. We do that because we feel that our weaknesses are more noticeable to everyone else, and we feel that this will cause others to see us in a negative light.

When you focus on your strengths, though, you focus on the things that make you special. This focus is what will earn you some respect. It’s what will allow you to be yourself, and be your best self.

If you want others to see you in a positive light, try to find more ways to bring out your strengths. Don’t look for ways to fake your confidence in your weaknesses; find ways to bring out more situations in which you can be naturally confident.

Tip #2: Practice Seeing the World

This is a bit of an unusual tip that I never hear people talking about, but I know that when I was shy I never really got to see the world. I always felt like other people were watching me so that’s all I ever saw. I saw other people looking at me and pointing fingers.

This is no way to look at the world. Open your eyes and see what is going on around you. When you talk to someone, see that person. Don’t think about how they are looking at you, actually see the person. Look into their eyes and see them!

When you walk around, look at the world. Look at the things going on around you. Don’t use your eyes to hide from the world; see it! It’s really not as scary as you’re making it out to be in your mind.

Tip #3: Project Yourself

This is another thing to practice. Get together with a couple friends and work on letting yourself be seen as you really are. As you act, act in a way that is projected outward. Do not look within yourself as you are talking and acting.

This is a big one. It’s not easy. Shy people have a tendency to always look within themselves when in the public eye. This is similar to what was discussed in tip #2. When you see yourself as you feel the world sees you, you have a tendency to hold back your true self.

This makes you hesitate in your actions and allows doubt to build in your mind. This doubt leads to more inaction and causes a level of self-consciousness that builds the power in your shyness. As a result, you’re power to overcome this shyness is weakened.

Practice projected yourself outward, rather than constantly looking inward.

Tip #4: Allow Yourself to Have Fun

This sounds like a no-brainer, right? Well, not so much, actually.

Back in my shy days, I was often in positions where most people would have a lot of fun but I could not really enjoy myself.

Why?

Because I was still thinking about how others saw me. I tried to act in a way that made it seem like I was having fun by acting in a way that would look like a normal person would look in that situation.

In other words, I tried to act the way I felt other people would want me to act.

As a result, I never acted as myself and never allowed myself to have fun. When I started to turn off all my external eyeballs and just allowed myself to have fun, my life did a complete 180.

Do yourself a huge favor and allow yourself to have some fun.

Tip #5: Don’t Get Frustrated, Take Small Steps

You’ve built up many shyness habits over the years. Be it eye contact, social awkwardness, inability to carry a conversation, etc., you cannot expect all that to go away overnight.

It takes a lot of time to get rid of bad habits, and more time to replace them with good ones.

But don’t worry. You can still enjoy your life as you are making these changes. Take pride in the baby steps. Be proud of the fact that you are doing something about your shyness and moving forward with your life.

Be happy that each day you have the opportunity to build your life and yourself. And be happy that each day you get to live more and more like your true self.

Start incorporating these tips in your life, and make progress at your own pace. Don’t forget to take pride in each an every accomplishment along your journey.

And remember that the journey is not a means to get to your life; the journey IS your life!

Tell me your story and experiences with shyness by leaving a comment below.