Flickr photo by Fayez Closed Account

There was a time in my life when I would never be able to write a blog post like this. It’s not that I was in denial about my shyness, I just hated to talk about it. The word “shy” was like a curse word to me. I avoided using it like I would avoid wearing red in a bullpen.

But I was fortunate enough to overcome my shyness with a concerted effort. As soon as I stood up and decided to hold myself accountable for my actions and habits, my life changed forever.

This blog post is not a story about me, though, so I’ll just move on and give you five of my best tips for overcoming shyness.

Overcoming Shyness Tip #1: Focus on Your Strengths

It’s a natural instinct for most of us to focus on our weaknesses. We do that because we feel that our weaknesses are more noticeable to everyone else, and we feel that this will cause others to see us in a negative light.

When you focus on your strengths, though, you focus on the things that make you special. This focus is what will earn you some respect. It’s what will allow you to be yourself, and be your best self.

If you want others to see you in a positive light, try to find more ways to bring out your strengths. Don’t look for ways to fake your confidence in your weaknesses; find ways to bring out more situations in which you can be naturally confident.

Tip #2: Practice Seeing the World

This is a bit of an unusual tip that I never hear people talking about, but I know that when I was shy I never really got to see the world. I always felt like other people were watching me so that’s all I ever saw. I saw other people looking at me and pointing fingers.

This is no way to look at the world. Open your eyes and see what is going on around you. When you talk to someone, see that person. Don’t think about how they are looking at you, actually see the person. Look into their eyes and see them!

When you walk around, look at the world. Look at the things going on around you. Don’t use your eyes to hide from the world; see it! It’s really not as scary as you’re making it out to be in your mind.

Tip #3: Project Yourself

This is another thing to practice. Get together with a couple friends and work on letting yourself be seen as you really are. As you act, act in a way that is projected outward. Do not look within yourself as you are talking and acting.

This is a big one. It’s not easy. Shy people have a tendency to always look within themselves when in the public eye. This is similar to what was discussed in tip #2. When you see yourself as you feel the world sees you, you have a tendency to hold back your true self.

This makes you hesitate in your actions and allows doubt to build in your mind. This doubt leads to more inaction and causes a level of self-consciousness that builds the power in your shyness. As a result, you’re power to overcome this shyness is weakened.

Practice projected yourself outward, rather than constantly looking inward.

Tip #4: Allow Yourself to Have Fun

This sounds like a no-brainer, right? Well, not so much, actually.

Back in my shy days, I was often in positions where most people would have a lot of fun but I could not really enjoy myself.

Why?

Because I was still thinking about how others saw me. I tried to act in a way that made it seem like I was having fun by acting in a way that would look like a normal person would look in that situation.

In other words, I tried to act the way I felt other people would want me to act.

As a result, I never acted as myself and never allowed myself to have fun. When I started to turn off all my external eyeballs and just allowed myself to have fun, my life did a complete 180.

Do yourself a huge favor and allow yourself to have some fun.

Tip #5: Don’t Get Frustrated, Take Small Steps

You’ve built up many shyness habits over the years. Be it eye contact, social awkwardness, inability to carry a conversation, etc., you cannot expect all that to go away overnight.

It takes a lot of time to get rid of bad habits, and more time to replace them with good ones.

But don’t worry. You can still enjoy your life as you are making these changes. Take pride in the baby steps. Be proud of the fact that you are doing something about your shyness and moving forward with your life.

Be happy that each day you have the opportunity to build your life and yourself. And be happy that each day you get to live more and more like your true self.

Start incorporating these tips in your life, and make progress at your own pace. Don’t forget to take pride in each an every accomplishment along your journey.

And remember that the journey is not a means to get to your life; the journey IS your life!

Tell me your story and experiences with shyness by leaving a comment below.

From dbking (Flickr)

Self confidence is the most important aspect of personal development and self improvement.  Without it, you can never live your life near its full potential.  You must always strive to live each day more and more like your true self, and to do so you need a strong level of confidence in yourself.

Here are three great mottos for building and maintaining this strong level of self confidence.  As always, don’t just see these mottos as words; strive to make them a part of who you are and how you live.

Self Confidence Motto #1:

“You are the only person who can use your talents and abilities; therefore, you have the opportunity to create what no one else can.”

Each person on this planet is unique, and I don’t just mean our fingerprints.  We all have a unique set of talents and abilities.  We all see the world differently.  We all think differently.

Because of this, we all have the opportunity to add something special to the world.  That’s what makes life so amazing and exciting.  Each person has the ability to add something new to the world that no one else can.

This includes you.

You have something special within you that no one else has.  I don’t know what it is, and I can’t tell you exactly how to find it, but I know it’s there.

But the important thing is that you must know it’s there.  You must realize that you have a unique set of skills and abilities.  You have a unique way of thinking and seeing things in the world around you.

Once you start doing your own thinking, and finding creative ways to use your unique set of abilities, you will begin to excel in life.  The world needs you to be yourself.  The world needs your unique abilities in order to grow.

More importantly, you need you to be yourself.  You need to use your unique abilities to create something special in your own life.

The ability is there, you just must look within yourself to find it.

Self Confidence Motto #2:

“When there is chaos and turmoil around you, take comfort in the fact that you will always be able to turn to yourself in times of trouble.”

It’s a scary world, at times, no doubt.  Things happen quickly and the world can turn on it’s head in a flash.

Stuff happens.  Life is tough.  Things do not always go smoothly.  But this is the case for everyone’s life.  The difference between people who are able to overcome adversity and those who aren’t is actually quite simple.

Those who are able to overcome adversity do so by looking within themselves.  When bad things are happening in their lives, they see it as a test to find the strength within themselves to overcome it.

The strong-minded people actually take great pride in their ability to overcome adversity.  They do so because they know they can.  They know they can always turn to themselves to solve their own problems.

At the end of adversity, there is new life.  Everyone faces adversity, but those who see the new life at the end of the darkness are the ones who can build their lives up from adversity, rather than get knocked down.

You have the power within you to overcome any adversity that comes your way.  All you have to do is tell yourself that you will continue to move forward with your life and not let any challenge stop you from being the person you are.

Self Confidence Motto #3:

“Trust yourself.”

This is the simplest and most powerful self confidence motto.  Trust yourself.  That’s all self confidence really is; a trust in one’s self.

If you can trust that you will be able to eventually solve all the problems that come your way, you will have the ultimate in self confidence.

If you can trust that no matter what happens around you, you will be able to act as yourself; you will have the ultimate in self confidence.

If you can trust that every challenge you face in life, no matter how big, will only serve to build yourself as a person; you will have the ultimate in self confidence.

And then you will be able to live your ultimate life.

Think about these mottos, especially this last one and let me know what you think by leaving a comment below.  How can you begin implementing these mottos to bring out your true self, full of confidence?

To give thanks to all my readers, friends, and followers of all sorts, I decided to put together a video based on one of the audio files in my Power Mind program. You can get the entire program for free here.

If you like it, please share it with your friends and followers. Enjoy!

A couple weeks ago I celebrated my 28th birthday.  Many people say I look younger.  Many people say I act older.  I say that’s awesome!  Am I wise beyond my years?  I don’t think so.  I don’t think it’s possible to be wise beyond your years.  I just think few people actually carry the wisdom of their experiences with them.

I try to remember as much as I can about my experiences.  Sometimes this is painful, other times it makes me want to go back in time.  Yet, I still love having memories, for they help me better face the challenges that lie ahead of me.

Today I will share with you 28 lessons that I have learned, so that you can take some of the wisdom of my years for your own use.

• 1.  People like people who smile.  If you are not smiling right now, you probably should.  Smiling makes you likable.  You can never smile enough.

• 2.  Meeting new people is often awkward, but the other person probably wants you to reach out to them.  It is usually well worth the effort.  You never know when you are going to meet your new BFF or an important networking contact.

• 3.  There is always a song that can make you feel better.

• 4.  Time may not heal all wounds, but it will make them less obvious.

• 5.  You should never try to get someone to like you because if you do, they never will.

• 6.  Everyone can dance, but not everyone should in public.

• 7.  It is better to make a fool of yourself once then to miss an opportunity for a new experience.

• 8.  Keeping a journal is not just for 12-year-old girls.  A pen and paper often make the best therapists.

• 9.  When you make eye contact in conversation, the other person will not think you’re staring.  In fact, they’ll probably be rather impressed with your confidence.

• 10.  Don’t hug someone the way you would hug a cactus unless they are over the age of 80.  It’s not a good look.

• 11.  It’s OK to say hi to strangers.  Where I’m from most will be surprised and uncomfortable.  Sometimes this reaction is even better.

• 12.  Bad habits cannot be changed overnight.  That’s why they are habits.  To fix them, you must give them consistent attention for an extended period of time.

• 13. Through the years, you’ll have a lot of bad days.  Even these only last 24 hours.

• 14.  The quickest way to get rid of bad thoughts is to think of something else.

• 15.  People like you better when you talk in the positive.  This means less complaining, less whining, less pouting, and less pointing out what is wrong with everyone and everything.

• 16.  I strongly prefer being around people who are true all the time, rather than wondering if they mean what they say.

• 17.  To be a real friend, sometimes you have to put your personal problems aside and do the right thing.

• 18.  It’s easier to find the flaws in other people than to admit the flaws in yourself, but you only have control over the latter.

• 19.  The world will not change just because you want it to change.  Either do something to make a difference or stop complaining and worrying.

• 20.  It’s easy to talk to the people you are forced to be around on a regular basis.  It’s often more important to talk to those you are not.

• 21.  Never make strong alcoholic drinks in which you cannot taste the alcohol unless you are good at making apologies.

• 22.  It’s almost always better to be laughed at than not be noticed.

• 23.  It’s never too late to change.

• 24.  All people think irrationally a good percentage of the time.  To think rationally while others think irrationally can be frustrating, but often puts you in a position of advantage.

• 25.  Doing something you love for a living is much better than doing something you hate or are indifferent about.  If more people did something they love, there would be a lot less noise pollution by complainers.

• 26.  Don’t wait to tell someone what’s on your mind.  Thoughts don’t do any good sitting around in your head.  Either do something with them or let them go.

• 27.  Don’t just be a friend when it’s convenient for you.  Friends of convenience never last.

• 28.  Life is great.  Don’t take a moment for granted, for each one holds the potential for greatness.  Never kill time.  There is ALWAYS something you can do to make your time worth living!

After I graduated college, I worked as a personal trainer at a chain gym for over four years. It was a cool job at first and a very rewarding profession, but I always knew there was something more for me in life. Toward the end of my reign, I felt like I was getting stuck in a cycle. I was moving laterally instead of forward. I knew it was time to move on.

It took me a while to pull the trigger and take my leap of faith, but I’m glad I finally got around to it. I left the gym on good terms with my clients and co-workers, and I started out building the project of my dreams. This project was going to change the world of health and fitness forever, at least I hoped it would. To be honest, I had no idea when or if I would start making money from my new venture.

As it turns out, I still haven’t made any money from it. But this hasn’t stopped me from living and working. So much has come from taking this leap of faith that has added to my life, and I am extremely grateful that I made the decision that I did. Even though my project took many twists and turns and caused many late nights of frustration, I can now see a clearer picture of what needs to be done to create the life I want.

And, in the process, I have been experiencing things I never thought I would be do. This, alone, has made all my efforts worthwhile.

Life Is an Experiment

All of life is an experiment. You try things–some work and some don’t. You learn from your experiences and move forward. This is life’s cycle, but it doesn’t have to move in a circle. The best experiments are one’s that lead you to the next step in your journey. You build upon your successes and improve upon your failures.

Thomas Edison always said that he didn’t consider his failed experiments failures at all; he simply saw them as a discovery of ways that did not work. We can all view life in this manner. We cannot be successful all the time if we want to grow. We must continue to push matters further and further and soak up all the wisdom gained from our experiences along the way.

15 Ways to Benefit From Experimentation: The Self Improvement Holy Grail

• Knowledge – Each experiment you make in life, whether it is a success or not, will provide you will new knowledge about what works and what doesn’t work. This allows you to approach your next step from a more advantageous position.

• Wisdom – By constantly going after new opportunities and seeking new ways to do things, you learn more about yourself. This self-knowledge comes in the form of a wisdom of how the world works around you and how others respond to your actions. This allows you to approach new situations from a higher ground.

• Success – Sometimes your experiments will be successful, often when you least expect it. The important thing to remember is you should never avoid a situation just because you think you won’t succeed. You just might surprise yourself.

• Self Confidence – Every bit of success can build your confidence. So when you do find success in your experiments, you will naturally increase your confidence level. But confidence can also come simply from trying new things. Doubt is a major enemy of confidence, and it stems from the unknown. Once you try something, the unknown is no longer an issue. You will feel some of your biggest confidence boosts just from trying something new that lies outside your comfort zone, regardless of the result.

• Momentum – Success builds confidence, and confidence leads to more success. When you experiment and keep tinkering until you meet success, it is important to feed off of that success. Keep rolling with it because momentum is one of the most powerful tools in the achiever’s toolbox.

• Clarity – Experimentation clears up the unknown. Many people hesitate to try new things because the result is unclear to them. It could be positive or it could be negative, but you won’t know until you try. Once you try, you gain clarity on the situation. If it’s a positive for you, dig deeper into it. If it’s negative, you can learn from it and try something else.

• Direction – Experimentation often gives you clues on the next steps you need to take to make things work better for you. Many times, these steps will be hidden until you go forward with the experiment. Sometimes the experiments will let you know you are heading completely in the wrong direction. Other times, they may indicate you are closer to your goals that you realize. No matter what your experiments tell you, it’s always better to go on a journey with a map than to wander down the path blindfolded.

• Purpose – Finding a purpose for your life and for your actions is one of the major pieces to the personal development puzzle. To get complete fulfillment out of your life’s journey, you must have a strong sense of purpose in the things you do. Experimentation can give you that purpose. It can open new doors for you and provide you with excitement and enjoyment in areas you would never have imagined would be so rewarding. Remember, you will never know until you try.

• Opportunity – Experimentation takes you down new roads. On these new roads you will often find new opportunities. Experiments can hint to you that you need a slight change of course. This change of course could be the change you’ve been seeking to take your life to the next level.

• New Ideas – Many of the greatest inventions were created by accident. There are many stories of famous inventors who were trying to create something completely different before stumbling upon the idea for their great inventions. Even if you aren’t trying to invent something, you can learn a lot from this. Great ideas for things to do with your life often appear where you least expect them. Keep exploring new areas, for you never know what you’ll discover.

• Innovation – Failed experiments drive innovation. As humans, we are not comfortable with things that are unfinished. So when we try something and fail, we are tempted to make things right. When you experiment, you learn ways that don’t work, but you also are driven to find ways that do. This, combined with the hints you learned from your new experiences, will lead you to innovation.

• Creation – And innovation leads to creation. Take your new ideas and experiment more. New experiences get the creative juices flowing. They throw new ideas in your head and place you in new situations. Roll with these creative juices and create something special!

• New Skills – It’s no secret that experimentation will lead you to discover new skills. It will also lead you to improve your old skills. By placing yourself in uncomfortable situations, you will find that you will be forced to grow your skill-set to solve the new problems you will face.

• New Life – New experiences mean new life. Each new situation that you place your self in is a situation that you would otherwise have never lived. By spending each day of your life doing the same things on a repetitive basis, you are missing out on these chances to grow your life. New life means new chances for success and happiness. For this reason, new life is often the main goal of self improvement.

• Expanded Comfort Zone – Perhaps the greatest self improvement that comes from experimentation is an expanded comfort zone. Each time you step out of your comfort zone, you are turning the unknown into the known. You are learning new things about life and about yourself. You are giving yourself new opportunities for growth. The more you step out of your comfort zone, the more you will be confident in taking those steps. This will create a great feeling that will encourage you to step out of your comfort zone more often.

So you can see that there is a lot to be gained from experimentation in life. I hope this has encouraged you to try something new. Keep an open mind and try to learn as much as you can from these new experiences. Learn about the situation, learn about yourself, and learn about life.

You are not here to merely exist. You are here to live and thrive. Begin living in new ways and allow yourself to soar to new levels of personal fulfillment.